Gotham S2Ep1: Inconsistent If You Do
by 1000th Ghost
Summary: In which I lecture BabyBatCat about how inconsistent they were this episode. BrucexSelina


**Gotham S2Ep1: Inconsistent If You Do**

 **By: 1000** **th** **Ghost**

"Surely sometimes the right way is also the ugly way?" the boy continued to lecture the wide-eyed ex-cop.

"Reeaaally, BabyBat?" 1000th Ghost asked, materializing into the study.

"Wha-where'd you come from?" Bruce asked sheepishly, glancing fearfully to the fireplace for a moment.

"No, I didn't come from your precious Batcave," she replied, invokinga gasp from the billionaire and a, "I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Sure, you don't." She waved her hand dismissively. "I have something much more important to talk to you about. ...you just said to Gordon here that it was _totally_ acceptable to do something bad if it brought about something good, correct?"

"Well, of course. But where did you come from-"

"And, in fact, didn't you say that it would be _wrong_ if one did _not_ do said bad thing the likes of which would bring about something good?"

"Absolutely, but who are you-"

"Then WHY, pray tell," she questioned, her voice raising an octave, "did you spend the last several episodes berating BabyCat for freakin' SAVING YOUR LIFE?!"

"...how do you even know about that?"

"Do you not consider your own life a good thing? Do you have a death wish? Would you rather that Reggie had killed you?"

Bruce was silent. He looked at the floor.

"No."

"No. That's what I thought. So maybe, Mr. Batman-"

"-Batman? What's a Batman?-"

"-you should get off of your holier-than-thou high horse and maybe even THANK BabyCat!"

"...you mean Selina?"

"Oh, and Gordon? When you're a cop again, I suggest you arrest this guy," she said, gesturing to Alfred. "He thinks it's okay to punch little girls in the face." She turned to Bruce. "Don't worry, maybe you can get a new British nanny. Like Mary Poppins."

" _Who_ did he punch?!" Bruce demanded.

But his questions were to no avail. The mysterious girl had vanished into oblivion. Gordon suggested that Bruce install better security. That reminded Bruce of Selina. Who, maybe, he should stop being such a jerkwad to.

* * *

Earlier that day, Gordon had in fact had another run-in with said mysterious girl. But he figured he should just keep quiet. She scared him.

Earlier that day, he had paid a visit to his "good" "friend", Penguin.

"Hey, Selina! Movin' on up, huh?" he asked.

"Tryin'," she replied.

"Erm, yeah, see, I don't buy that."

"EXCUSE me," thundered Penguin, "but WHO are you, and HOW did you get in here?"

"Why aren't you fat?"

Penguin balked at her.

" _Excuse_ me?"

"You're supposed to be fat. I thought the whole 'bussing at an Italian restaurant' was going to be the plot device to get you fat, but...no. Look at you. You're skin and bones. It bothers me greatly." She snapped her fingers, and he promptly gained three hundred pounds. And a monocle.

"That's better. Now, then, BabyCat. You _say_ that you want to move on up. I'm guessing you mean money, right? Power? At the very least, food?"

"Yeah...what's your point?"

"YOU LITERALLY TURNED DOWN AN INVITATION TO BE CO-BILLIONAIRE! You can't sit there and tell me you care two hoots about anything when you could have been Mrs. Billionaire! You wouldn't have to steal anymore because he would buy you virtually ANYTHING you wanted!"

Bruce stepped out of the conveniently placed plot hole. That was also a time machine, 1000th Ghost guessed. Maybe the TARDIS was in it.

"But I have to become Batman!" he exclaimed.

"And I have to become Catwoman!"

1000th Ghost paused.

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot. Shoot." She thought for a moment. "But wouldn't it be great if you guys _could_ have just lived together in Wayne Manor? And grow up and get married and then don costumes and become a crime fighting duo or something? And then decide to just run away and escape the hardships of that life and live on an island together till you grow old and die? Wouldn't that be great, you guys?"

The pair looked at each other shyly.

"I mean...well...yes, that could be nice."

"Yeah, nice," Selina echoed.

1000th Ghost's head shot up.

"I've got it! In _this_ story, that'll be what happens, okay? In this one little fictional story, that is exactly what will happen. And you will live happily ever after. Sound good?"

They nodded.

"Excellent. My work here is done."

 **The En-**

"Ahh, wait, my work here is not done!" 1000th Ghost cried, karate chopping the poor "The End". "Who the frick is Silver St. Cloud?! What kind of a name is that? Purity McSparkles? What is she, a My Little Pony? You know what, I had to Google her, that's how random she is. And, apparently, she gets her throat cut! So why is this show wasting time with her? BEGONE, RainbowDash O'ManStealer!" And Silver St. Cloud, wherever she was, promptly blew up.

 **The Real The End**


End file.
